Tuesday, April 10, 2007

A Departure from the Bitter Train

I need something else at the top of my blog page. Something not whiny, not bitter, not unhappy. Because I am incredibly happy. And delighted. And thankful. I have mentioned before how much I hate that so many people tend to want to make pregnancy and caring for a baby a negative thing. It's remarkable. My husband teaches middle school and comes hope exhausted from ignoring all the "You're life is going to be over, dude." comments. "You'll never see your friends after this." I get it, too, especially now that I'm obviously pregnant to strangers and coworkers. "I hope you enjoy your sleep now, because you'll never get it again." "Can't wait to get that baby out, huh? Don't you hate when the kid kicks you in the ribs?" Blah blah blah.

Call it being naive, I don't care, but we're thrilled. We're thrilled at the chance to lose sleep, thrilled to anticipate disgusting diapers, thrilled to have the opportunity to change the focus of our lives to someone else. When my rib cage gets a jolt, I try to remember exactly how it felt. I'm so afraid I'll forget and I want to relish every chance I have to feel this baby in me. (What if I never get to feel it again?) I know it's mildly irrational, but I have a real hard time allowing myself to complain about anything. Getting up twice in the middle of the night to pee? Having to go every two seconds? Ligament/groin pain? Anterior placenta? My impressive display of stretch marks? Honestly, it's fine. All of it. Bring it on. It means that there is a baby thriving in me. How could that be bad? Sure, my life will change, but in the perfect way. I expect to be tired. I expect to be frustrated at times, I expect to be so completely overwhelmed every now and then that I don't know what to do with myself. I wouldn't have it any other way.

For a while, I felt bad because I was causing my husband to toss and turn at night. I started snoring (glamorous, huh?) and changing positions seems to conjure up images of elephants (I'm so graceful it's scary). My favorite comment so far has been, "You tell that husband of yours that he can just sleep somewhere else if your pregnant sleeping habits are keeping him awake at night. Please, it's not like you asked for this!"

Um...yes I did. A lot. I begged for this. Not just the cute, sweet, adorable parts either. Nope, all of it.


M said...

I LOVE IT! :) So true. And you know, we have friends now who still don't quite "get it". Late dinners, dinners out, etc. don't work for us anymore. And last night I kinda got upset and said to Mike, "I feel really bad about turning down another dinner out with our friends" (because maddy is now at the point where sitting in a highchair isn't fun...and dinner out is more work than enjoyable) And he said to me-- "It's a small sacrifice we are making for her. It won't be long until she'll be able to go out and sit and eat. And there will be many more dinners."
And I thought to myself--wth am i complaining about? But sometimes the friends get to you, and it makes you feel guilty. It's bound to happen.
And then she smiles at you, or giggles, and you remember just why you are doing all of this.

silene said...

Delurking to tell you that I love this post. I feel precisely the same way. I am just 14 weeks and so not really showing or feeling much, but I have waited so so long to get here that I can't wait for all of it - the good and the bad, all the anticipated discomfort and sleeplessness and worry and etc. I intend to revel in each and every moment of it, and hope I can find a way to burn the sensations into my memory. I'm glad you're enjoying all the parts of your pregnancy - you deserve it!

Anam_Kihaku said...

i was right there with you and eve now would trade a left arm for a kick in the ribs *hugs*

Dianne/Flutter said...

I love this post. Love it. Because you asked for all that and seems to me the ULTIMATE joy.

Ann said...

Mandolyn, I'm new to your blog, and so happy to find a success story that didn't take years and years to get to! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

TeamWinks said...

I hold true to the fact that infertility changes you forever. You will not experience pregnancy the same. You won't experience parenthood in quite the same way either.

Some people just can't resist making these comments though!

ms. c said...

Well written, sister! I'm thrilled to hear that you are happy and excited.

M said...

Nominated you for an award. Go check it out!

kuppusamy said...

Totally agree!

Infertility has made me such a better mother and person. I love my son and all that he comes with. I'm so shocked when people act like it's a horror to have a baby. It's just niave.

Actually, I missed him moving in my belly the moment he came out. I honestly could be pregnant for the rest of my life and not care, lol :))

Nichole said...

Thank you so much for writing this! I am not even pg yet, and I get comments like that (from people that know about our IF!)
It is so refreshing to hear a story from someone who enjoys pg (even the hard stuff) and wouldn't trade it for anything!

The Town Criers said...

This is brilliant. And it shows how great a mommy you're going to be.

Amy said...

Hi Mandolyn,
Just found my way here from "Chaos in your soul" and had to comment.

My husband and I are currently TTC and going through all the tests, bloodwork etc. involved.

It's so great to read a pregnancy blog and it not be someone whining about not sleeping, peeing all the time, and just being uncomfortable. I for one, will be ecstatic to ever get pregnant!

Thank you!!