The past week has been emotionally hellish. I've admittedly left most of the hope and good thoughts in the capable hands of everyone else. Yesterday we went for another sonogram. I opted to wear glasses instead of contacts because then I couldn't rub out a contact while sobbing on the way home. Mr. Mandolyn and I trudged down the hallway to the sonogram room with heavy feet and heavy hearts. The nurse quietly asked if I'd had any spotting. A defeated "no" from me. The doctor came in and gently said hi to us, and that he had been a bit puzzled by my 43,000 HCG level last week. I just wanted to get this over with.
"Well, let's just take a look."
Two seconds later a pregnancy sac was on the screen. And HOLY SHIT there was a white blob in it! The doctor looked at me and said, "You saw that didn't you?" He twisted the view again and got a better look...a yolk sac and baby blob with a heartbeat. Actual moving parts! Mr. Mandolyn was so excited that he jumped up to the screen (right in my view, but I quickly took care of that). Our mouths must have hung open for a full 5 minutes. That was certainly not the outcome we had been expecting. Measurements show the baby at 6wks 4 days. According to everything else, we should be at 8wks 2 days. So there is still cause for concern. And while we aren't out of the woods yet, we are taking our good news and running with it. We know that good news isn't something you carelessly sling around. Oh no. We took our good news and let ourselves smile. And it felt good.
Part of me (ok, most of me) is afraid to get to used to the goodness. Like at any moment the world might fall out from underneath me. So far, whenever those thoughts creep in, I try to shove them away. I really don't want that fear to get the best of me. We go back to check on progress in two weeks. Two long weeks.