Mid-August. That marks the official one-year mark of attempted baby making. What a trip around the sun. I've felt excited, nervous, disappointed, emotional, elated, in complete disbelief, blissful, devastated, shocked, teary, thoughtful, calm, and now...hopeful. 365 days. Five (give or take) rounds of Provera, two rounds of Clomid, one conception & loss, and a lot of healing. It could have been better. It could have been worse.
Yes, the innocence is long gone. One of my best friends was talking to me not long after the D&C and trying to understand. She paused and then said, "So you're saying there's not a single day that goes by that you don't think about it?" Nope, not a single moment. (I know she had to be thinking, "Wow, that's effed up.") But now I'm realizing that doesn't have to mean negativity. In the past month or so, I've begun to make peace with it. I feel a million times lighter and a little bit stronger. Reasoning and logic has been thrown out the window.
And again, I'm ready. I've got a pomegranate string on my wrist. I'm in the middle of my third round of Clomid. Mr. Mandolyn and I are excited to start taking it again. Woo-hoo! Now we feel like our game piece is on the board. So here we go, team...Game On!
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4 comments:
You go girl! That one year mark...it's so hard. I'm glad you're coming into it with strength. August is the anniversary of my first injection. To anniversaries!
Isn't it amazing that it gets to the point where not a day goes by where you don't think about IF? No matter if it is negative or peaceful it is still something you can't escape. I'm so glad I found blogging though because now I have a group of people that I can totally relate to. Yay team!
Hey Mandolyn,
Welcome to the IF blogworld (not the blogworld in general, I see, but just a blog that centres around IF). Unfortunately...
August is my "anniversary" too, and it's been one year. And clomis, round 3, will start sometime in the next month.
So, I hear ya.
Hope you don't stick around too long...
I love the logo you did! Can I post that on my blog?
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